|5 am thoughts
||[Jan. 27th, 2009|11:13 am]
|||||Wicked! Soundtrack - Defying Gravity||]|
I have just finished reading Priestesses Pythonesses Sibyls edited by Sorita D'Este. Very thought provoking to say the least. It reminded me to once again consider the view that we are each our own Priestess.
Being the somewhat reluctant priestess that I am, I often find it difficult to get past the barrier of my low self esteem and into the mindset that I am worthy enough to commune with Deity. Sure, I have people around me that believe in me, my abilities - my strength, my compassion - but it is rather a rare occasion to find that I am accepting of their support and trusting myself, allowing myself to embody all of those things. I am working very hard to give myself permission to be the person I am, and I suspect that I always will be to some extent. I tend not to actively petition Deity to speak through me, or to me for that matter, as I have the constant fear that I'm not good enough, I'm not the right person for the job, I'll screw everything up.
Despite this, Deity still 'speak' to me, just as They always have. They guide me in my dreams, walk with me in meditation and watch over me always. They inspire me to write poetry (usually in the shower of all places), to draw and paint, to be an ambassador for Them in my thoughts, and in my actions. I strive to live with honour and compassion, with joy and a boundless capacity for forgiveness, and most importantly for me, with accountability. Working for Deity is hard. Every day there is a challenge to be faced, a test of our devotion and trust. It is also a blessing and a privilege, to know that everything that you do reflects not only on you but on Deity. This is not to say that the people around us know why we conduct ourselves as we do, but it is to be hoped that in this self-centric age we are able to stand a breath apart, to lead by example and to change little by little the attitudes of the people we share the earth with. Not for one moment do I mean that I achieve this on a daily basis, but it is something to aim for. Even if we only touch the heart of one person in a lifetime, bring one person closer to knowing the ceaseless embrace of the Divine, that one person can make a difference. This is for me the life of the priestess, and I live the best way I can.